Translate

Monday, January 27, 2014

How to Receive and Get Through a Cold

When you are full of cold, or any respiratory infection that keeps you from being productive yet productive enough to keep you out of the hospital, work is the furthest thing from the front burner.  Today, this is the case for me.  Still in order to keep writing while the brain is half asleep, I thought it would be amazeballs to offer advice on being sick while sick.
It's either this or, "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," a hundred times.

What?  I Never Get Sick.
You will wake up one morning and feel one of a few things.  First and most obvious is the feeling of being hit by a tractor trailer while sleepwalking and miraculously not exploding into a blood smear.  When this happens, you are sick.
If you wake up and feel like your tongue has swollen so badly that it is pressing against the bottom of your jaw like a baby rounding the home stretch out of vag-ville, you are sick.  And, when you wake up one morning feeling like someone lit a firecracker inside one of your nostrils, oh yeah are you sick.
The first thing you shouldn't do is fret.  Fretting requires the use of brain cells.  Instead, make a list of all of the places you've been.  The place that feels as close to yesterday is probably where you caught the cold.  If you were there with a loved one  or a very good friend, you probably caught it from them.  Like me.
This is the second time I catch a cold from my husband.

Revenge Is Mine!
It would be pertinent to wonder just what kind of woman would allow her husband to bring infectious germs home twice.  But I ask you to change your thinking.  Ask the husband instead what kind of man he is to be sick, get cared for and then after re catching the same fucking cold, decide to be inconsiderate to his wife.  I asked Mike to please sleep on the couch as he was sick, but he decided to be an asshole.  Now that I am sick Mike is my butler, cook and janitor.

Getting Through
When you are sick with a cold unless you are bedridden with something more than a cold, get up and wash your ass.  Overnight as you slept of the NyQuil, your body sweated out your cold symptoms.  Showering will get rid of the "cold" stink and make you feel a little better.
You should also brush your teeth.  Really.  Being sick automatically warrants visitors and visitors aren't going to tell you how busted your breath is out of consideration for your condition.  Do yourself and them a favor.  Floss, rinse, brush.
Move around.  Even if you're pacing from your bedroom to your couch and your couch to the kitchen, movement is good.  Get that stiffness out of your body, let the blood flow.  It will also help you feel better.
Make a "fixer elixir."  Everyone has a fixer elixir.  It's that one drink or food concoction you rely on to get you to better health fast.  Mine is a mix of Fanta Orange soda with EmergenC.  Drink with a straw to get all of the bits that didn't break down in the soda while mixing.  Chase your elixir with water to flush out the toxins in your body from the cold and the soup you've been eating that is chuck full of sodium if nothing else.
Simple protein and carbs.  Being sick is a prerequisite for soup.  I personally don't subscribe to soup as medicine unless my mom makes it.  Canned soup is for when you are well.
If you have an appetite, keep your meals small.  While I'm under the weather I eat sardines, or chicken wings and I limit my carbs to nuts or fruit and veg with potassium.  I also get my Chinese food fix in, but simple stuff rice with chicken, no sauces or dishes that will send me to the toilet.  And speaking of...
Poop.  You have to poop while you are ill because poop has the toxins and bacteria your body no longer wants or, needs.  Drink loads of water to ensure easier pooping.  If you are not pooping before you head for the colace, try a salad, coffee, and cooked leafy greens.  Stool softeners can cause more pain than what they are worth.  If you don't believe me I wish you the best of luck sleeping the night with wicked gas.

So.  I don't think there is a need to recap, you either take the advice or write your own when you get sick.

No comments:

Post a Comment